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Casual Conversations (with strangers about toilet paper)

by Tom Shea

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about

Sometimes I say odd things on social media, and Dave says "That's a great song title." This time, he said "That's an Oasis album title, if Liam Gallagher finally stopped trying." So I wrote the song. It was supposed to sound like Oasis, but whatever.

All proceeds will go to food banks in Hamilton Ontario to support people hardest hit by the COVID-19 outbreak. And if nobody buys it, well, I'll just make a donation myself. Stay safe, stay lovely, wash your hands!

lyrics

Casual Conversations (with Strangers about Toilet Paper)

she smiles in the lineup from eight feet away
both hands in her pockets--we all take precautions
at the market these days
she said she heard about the hoarding
at the Costco down on Barton
there were fistfights in the Sobey’s
yesterday--and I don’t know what to say

I’m uncomfortable thinking about your bum
particularly that way
i’ve had quite enough casual conversations
with strangers about toilet paper today

grandpa pops the tailgate
another white man in a Hyundai Palisade
loads in cases of Charmin:
a Christian warrior returning
from a toilet paper crusade
he says “at least i’ve got my own, son;
sucks if you’re the slow one.”
“it must take a lot of paper,” I reply,
“to wipe an ass the size of you.”

I’m uncomfortable thinking about your bum...

it’s a war on the poor at the bathroom door
the people on the bus never get to the store in time
my grandma’s waiting in line
while you’re driving away

I’m uncomfortable thinking about your bum...

She smiles in the lineup from eight feet away
But I don’t know what to say:
I’ve had quite enough casual conversations
With strangers about toilet paper today

credits

released March 16, 2020
Tom Shea - all the things (words, music, all instruments, drum programming) (Okay, most of the drum parts are just stock loops from Toontracks Superior Drummer--they make good stuff!)

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Tom Shea Hamilton, Ontario

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